What questions should I ask host families in interviews to truly understand expectations and daily routines?

Au pairs should ask host families questions covering daily schedules, discipline expectations, household duties, and free time boundaries. The most important step is asking for concrete examples, not just yes or no answers. Here are some to questions to ask regarding au pair roles and responsibilities to help you get started.

Critical questions for au pairs to ask host families 

What does a typical weekday look like, hour by hour?

A good answer is specific and structured, giving you examples of weekdays and allowing you to paint a picture in your mind of what to expect. A red flag is a vague response like “It depends” without details.

Exactly how many hours will I work each week, and when?

Clear numbers and set time blocks show planning and respect for program limits; unclear or flexible “whenever we need help” answers can indicate boundary issues, and may require further clarification.

What are my responsibilities, and what is not part of my role?

Healthy families clearly separate childcare from general housework; red flags include broad expectations like “help with whatever the family needs.” Remember, as an au pair you are only required to perform childcare-related activities.

How do you handle discipline and misbehavior?

All families handle their child’s behavior differently, and it’s important that you and the family are on the same page before you start caring for their child.

What does a successful first month look like to you?

This is an important question because it helps you understand the host family’s priorities and expectations early on. Clarity here often means smoother transitions later.

How to ask about a host family's daily schedule and routines

• What does a typical weekday look like for the children and for me, hour by hour?
• How do mornings, after‑school time, and evenings usually work in your home?
• How does the schedule change during school vacations, summers, or when kids are sick?
• What time do the children usually wake up and go to bed, and what are the key routines regarding meals, homework, baths, and screen time?

How to ask host families about duties, boundaries, and house rules

• What exactly are my daily responsibilities, and what tasks are outside my role?
• How many hours do you expect me to work on a normal week, and which days/times?
• What types of household chores do you expect related to the children (laundry, meal prep, tidying toys, dishes)?
• How do you handle overtime, last‑minute schedule changes, or date nights and weekends?

Questions for au pairs to ask about parenting style, discipline, and communication

• How do you usually handle misbehavior, tantrums, or conflicts between the children?
• Are there any discipline methods you do not allow?
• What are your rules about snacks, screen time, homework, and manners?
• Are there specific values or traditions that are important to your family?
• How do you prefer to communicate concerns or feedback?
• What should I do if I feel unsure about something?

Asking host families about your free time and home life

• What are the main house rules for me, in terms of guests, quiet hours, curfew, car use, and privacy?
• How do you usually spend weekends and holidays, and what is your expectation about me joining family activities?
• What will my room and bathroom situation be like, and what spaces are private vs. shared?
• How much freedom will I have to travel, study, and meet friends on my time off?

How to ask about safety, support, and past au pairs

• How much driving will I do, and in what conditions (highways, city, nighttime, driving kids)?
• What type of car will I be driving, and will it be available for personal use?
• Do you have any safety rules I should know, relating to pool, pets, allergies, or medical issues?
• Have you hosted au pairs before, and what worked well or didn’t?
• Would it be possible to speak with a current or former au pair to hear about their experience?

As you listen, notice whether their answers are specific, consistent, and respectful of program rules and your needs, and whether the daily life they describe feels sustainable and healthy for you.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if the host family seems vague in their answers?

Politely ask follow-up questions, ask them for clarification on anything you don’t understand, and request specific examples. Try something like “You mentioned X, can you expand on that a bit for me?” or “Can you please give me an example of how and why you recently disciplined your child?”

Should I ask about salary and benefits in the interview?

Yes, it’s appropriate to confirm stipend, vacation time, car use, and educational support to ensure everything aligns with AuPairCare’s program rules and your understanding of the role. 

What if we disagree on something during the interview?

Small differences are normal, but pay attention to how the family handles disagreement. Respectful discussion and willingness to clarify expectations are good signs of healthy communication.