When I had my son 8 years ago, I was not working and as such had time to devote to him and hanging out with other mommies going for walks,  coffee,  singing groups,  baby yoga classes… Ahh what a nice life I had!  With my daughter, however,  life is very different;  living in a more suburban area and with 2 jobs,  and as a result,  barely enough time to hold down work and juggle basic baby duties,  let alone schlepp out to social events.  (And yes,  in case you were wondering I do need an au pair!)

I did manage lunch with a baby friend this past Friday but I was like a creature starved for fellow mommy chat,  so strong is the need  for reassurance that you’re doing ok and that your baby is on track:  Is Ayla rolling over yet?, sitting up?  How often are you breastfeeding now?  And what about solids?  When and for how long is she napping?  And at night? On and on went my interrogations..

So,  needless to say,  do as I say and not as I do….

Do make time to make mommy friends.  Plan play dates and attend mommy and me get-togethers – sure little Owen probably could care less about baby sitting next to him right now,  but in time he will,  and in the meantime you need the interaction with his mommy,   even if it is while singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’!

Don’t treat the internet as your new best mommy friend!  Saying don’t look on the internet is pointless of course,  but try not to obsessively look stuff up about baby ailments or hitting milestones - you can totally freak yourself out,  believe me I know!

There might be an extra being in your house,  one seemingly glued to your hip or breast,  but the irony is that looking after baby can be a lonely job.  It is easy to lose confidence if you don’t force yourself to get out the house and socialize with other non-dribbling humans, especially the ones that know what you’re going through. So,  stop reading blogs for now,  load up baby,  and head on out for some mommy and me time. I promise I’ll try more too…

This week, I heard from a host mom who was helping her au pair fill out her paperwork for her return flight.  This paperwork, like the extension application, is due to headquarters the first of the month before the au pairs program year ends, and allows her to choose her top choices for departure dates and cities. 

Louisa and her host mom wondered if Louisa was allowed to say in the area after her year ended.  Her plan was to stay with her host family for a week to visit friends, go on a trip for a week, and then come back to her host family home for a few days to sat her final goodbyes and pack. 

I let them know that this was a fine arrangement - at the end of their year, au pairs are allowed to remain in the US for up to one month.  This is a perfect time to travel and see sights they missed during their year.  Louisa was thrilled for the chance to spend a little extra time with everyone she had grown to love during her year before returning home to school.

Inspired by our international team at Au Pair Care, we asked around the office to compile a special, nostalgic, yet up-to-date list of our favorite children’s books – books  that we would love to have our au pairs read to our kids.
   
1.    The Story of the Little Mole Who Knew It Was None of His Business
By Wolf Erlbruch, Werner Holzwarth   
This is a loveable oh-so-funny story about a mole that wants to find out who happened to poo on his head.  So he goes out and asks the rabbit, the bear and many other animals on his way. It’s a lovely illustrated book and a fun story that will keep your kid excited, and will make you laugh for its underlying wisdom.

2.    The Trip To Panama
By Janosch
The colorful and detailed pictures and the exciting story tell a tale about friendship, dreams, appreciation, and home. Everything starts with the little bear discovering a little box while he is fishing at the river. On the box it says “Panama” and it smells like bananas. Immediately the little bear knows this is the land of his dreams. So he runs home to the small tiger to prepare for a long journey to Panama.

3.    Friends
By Helme Heine
This absolutely charming and delightfully illustrated tale for all ages will make you and your child laugh out loud and learn about friendship through the adventures of Charlie Rooster, Johnny Mouse, and Percy Pig. They ride their bikes together, play games together and sleep together- even if that means Percy the pig has to sleep on a Rooster stick. It is one of the most read books in Germany.

4.    The Very Hungry Caterpillar
By Eric Carle
More than 12 million copies of this book have been sold around the world.  Kids are excited to follow the path of the caterpillar while he eats his way through one apple on Monday, two pears on Tuesday, and so on.  The book teaches counting and the days of the week with bright, bold pictures and a butterfly metamorphosis story!

5.    Happy Hippo, Angry Duck: A Book of Moods (Ages 2-6)
By Sandra Boynton
Sandra Boynton is a popular American humorist, songwriter, children's author, and illustrator. This, her newest book on the market, describes moods and emotions with very funny pictures. Kids love to repeat the sounds and feelings that are described in the book and the pages are colorful and vivid!
 

6.    Farmyard Beat
By Lindsey Craig and Marc Brown
This is a colorful bedtime story, perfect for toddler and preschoolers, to read aloud, repeating the rhymes and sounds. All the animals on the farm can’t sleep, and before you know it there is a party going on.

7.    One Duck Stuck
by Phyllis Root, illustrated by Jane Chapman
Another great counting and animal book with bright and bold illustrations. Why is it special? This book received the Parents Book of the Year award and the Oppenheim Toy Portfolio Gold award.

8.    When I Grow Up I Want to Be Me
by Sandra Magsamen
Oprah calls this one of the most captivating children's books she's ever read. We guess it must be good!

9.    Pippi Longstocking
By Astrid Lindgren
Astrid Lindgren, from Sweden, was famous for her books in America years ago. The target age for these stories is four to six, and quick-to-read children will be able to handle them at seven. Pippi is incredibly strong and can lift a horse on her own. She is also not afraid of anything, so she lives alone in Villa Villekulla with her horse and a monkey, Mr. Nilsson. With her friends, Tommy and Annika, she experiences many adventures, like taking on two burglars, having an unusual birthday party, and rolling down a hill in a wine barrel.

Now – you tell us!  Which book should be number 10 on the list? Please let us know in the comments below!

Obviously there are many rules and expectations you should discuss with your au pair,  both during interviews and once she's in your home. A big one? Friends.

Here are some things to consider when it comes to your au pair's social life:

• Boyfriends or male friends in general
• Playdates with other au pairs and their host children during work hours
• Overnight visitors
• Au pair staying at friends' houses on nights off
• Out-of-town visitors, including friends and family from au pair's home country
• Dress code for both au pair and her friends while in the house and around the children
• Car use, driving friends around
• Eating and drinking with friends in the house

Remember that although the au pair lives there too, it is your home and you can set limits as you feel comfortable. Don't feel pressured either way. If you are okay with any or all of the above visitors,  it is important to also go over your expectations. I tell my au pairs at Orientation that they should always ask their host families ahead of time if it's okay to have a guest over in advance, and remind them to introduce said friend upon arrival if they are not known to the family.

Under no circumstances should an au pair give out your phone number or address to casual acquaintances, nor should she post information or pictures on Facebook without first getting your permission. You will also want to remind your au pair that it is not acceptable for them to have long phone chats with friends and family while they are on duty, nor is it ok to be texting, emailing, Skyping or on Facebook (or indeed generally on the computer) while working. (You may tell the au pair that nap time is an appropriate time for this.)

It's great to encourage your au pair to get out there and make some friends. This is her year in the US, after all! The happier and more fulfilled she feels, the more eager and glad she'll be to give her all to your kids and your family. If you have any tips or stories about your au pair's social life, or your social life as an au pair, we'd love to hear them!