I am getting a little weary of books about how Americans are terrible parents, who are raising an entitled population of over-protected, screen-addled underachievers. To be sure, we have our issues, but I don't believe anyone has the corner market on raising perfect kids. After all, the entire goal of parenting, no matter where you live, is basically the same:  raise children who can grow up and thrive in the reality that they live in. There are lots of different ways to do that well, and if we quit claiming our way is best, we just might learn something from each other.

My whole goal as a mom is to work my way out of a job. When my son Liam was two, I read that toddlers his age could peel carrots. I gave him a peeler and he did it. Then I gave him an apple and he peeled his thumb. Ouch. So, we waited a year or two before trying that again.

It did show me, however, that my kids could do a lot more than I expected -- if they were taught how to do it. Also, a little pain in the learning process isn't harmful. In fact, sometimes it's exactly what helps kids to be careful and competent. (Didn't we all fall down hundreds of times before learning to walk?) Read the Little House on the Prairie books or My Friend Flicka for a glance into what American kids were expected to do in previous centuries. 

In her book, How Eskimos Keep their Babies Warm: And Other Adventures in Parenting, Mei-Ling Hopgood discusses parenting differences around the world. Here are a few of her observations:

Ache children in the rain forests in Paraguay learn to follow trail markers (bent leaves, twigs, and shrubs) as early as eight-years-old.  

In Zapoteca, Oaxaca, kids can name hundreds of local flowers (because they're expected to roam around with other kids). Compare that to American kids who can name 200 brands, but not the trees in their yard.

Tibetan children as young as six tend heards of yaks, sheep, and other animals.

In the Arctic, Inuit children are expected to eat raw meat from the game their parents kill before they turn three, so they will learn to like it. 

My kids are pretty happy living in a house and not having to herd cattle or shoot their dinner, (well, Liam might like to shoot his dinner). But now that they are 9, 11, and 12, I'm still going to make them do their own laundry, pack their own lunch, and get themselves to soccer, music lessons, and track practice on time. That seems like a reasonable step in teaching them to thrive in their local reality. Next step... cooking dinner! After all, it's not like they have to herd yaks!

I've asked some of our AuPairCare families what their favorite things are about being host families. Some said the authentic Greek/ El Salvadorian/ French food or adding family members from around the world and learning about where they live. Mine is hands-down sharing the child-related chores.  I love cooking, but I hate cleaning, sorting and organizing, so coming home to a house that only has MY stuff laying around is such a relief.  (My husband confines his mess to the garage!)

There were lots of different responses, but these were the top ten (from my casual, totally non-scientific survey):  

10.  Having a bedtime fairy to help get the kids to sleep.

9.  That my kids can have playdates after school.

8.  Not paying daycare late pick-up fees.

7.  Not having to drive to two different schools on the way to work.

6.  The second-language my kids are learning.

5.  The friendships my kids are developing with each other.

4.  The fact that my mom says I'm a better mom, wife, and worker because of my au pair.

3.  The margin it creates in my family's life.

2.  The standing date night I have with my husband.

1.  The affordable flexibility that I didn't have with daycare.

Do you have a favorite part of the program?  What is it?  How has it changed your family and work balance?  

 My kids attended a camp a few summers ago, and I volunteered to help out with the international humanitarian project for the week. The leaders chose a children's home in Russia, and we would raise money to buy winter clothes for them for the coming year. My job was to spend about ten minutes a day teaching the campers about the children's home (we had some pictures) and Russia, even though my experience was limited to a semester of reading Tolstoy and Dostoyevsky in college.    

In the photos we had, some of the kids were not wearing shoes, so on Monday, I had a few campers come up front with me and sit with their feet in buckets of ice while I explained about Russian winters. They loved it. On Tuesday, we found out how much kids living on the street in Russia typically had to eat each day. I made up cold bowls of rice and asked for volunteers to chow down. American kids who refused to eat their vegetables had no trouble scarfing down plain rice (no salt, butter or sugar).

We knew that children's home was pretty crowded since they tried not to turn anyone away, so on Wednesday, I asked the campers who had their own rooms at home. Then I drew a "room" with tape on the stage, and the kids learned that eight of them would have to share that space.   They all thought it would be fun though, as long as everyone respected each other's stuff. Thursday, we learned a song in Russian -- I'm sure I butchered the lyrics -- and Friday, we just reviewed what we'd learned.  

The campers raised thousands of dollars that week, mostly because kids got excited about helping other kids.  It was amazing.  And I hope that enthusiasm is something they file away and remember.    

“Globalism” and “internationalism” are huge buzz words in the educational community.  Besides moving your family to a foreign country or spending thousands on expensive family trips every year, what is the best way to introduce foreign cultures into your children’s lives?

Like a growing number of parents around the country, we decided to hire an au pair.  Sure, I needed reliable, flexible, cost effective child care, but I also wanted my two children to begin to understand more about different cultures.  We lived a typical suburban existence and I knew that we would not have the opportunity to do much overseas travel.  Hiring an au pair was a great way for us to bring foreign cultures to our kids, instead of the other way around.

One of our au pairs was KiKi from Japan.  She was reliable, a good driver and quickly made friends.  She also enriched our family’s eating habits.  Twenty-four year old KiKi did all of her cooking with chopsticks.  From scrambled eggs to noodles, KiKi helped everyone in the family to master the art of eating with chopsticks.  My kids now eat french fries with chopsticks. I use chopsticks to fish waffles out of the toaster.  KiKi showed the children how to make sushi with every imaginable ingredient.  My son became a huge fan of hotdog sushi, with ketchup of course!   

KiKi also taught the kids some Japanese.  “Sai sha gu, jhong king pong” is “rock, paper, scissors, shoot” in Japanese (or something like that).  I would regularly find KiKi and the children playing this game together.  Even years after KiKi returned home to Japan, the kids resolved a dispute with rock, paper, scissors—in whatever language our current au pair spoke.

Because KiKi was a part of our lives, my children now respect and have a curiosity for Japanese things.  Things they are learning in school come alive because they know someone from that country.  Having an au pair helps children learn that just because people do things differently, they are not wrong or bad.  Since KiKi was our au pair, I actively looked for au pairs from different cultures.  We have hosted au pairs from Japan, New Zealand, South Africa, Germany, Brazil and Sweden – representing nearly every continent!

The kind of cultural exchange that the au pair provides is not about grand tours and fancy festivals.  It is about the little things that make up everyday life.  It is about chopsticks and children’s games.  As parents, we hope that our children grow up with a global perspective, with few prejudices.  We wish that they will be open to new experiences.  Hosting an au pair can help kids widen their horizons without ever missing a day of school.    

Nancy Felix is the author of the book, Oh My, Au Pair! A Complete Guide to Hiring and Hosting an Au Pair.  An expert host parent, she has had fourteen au pairs. Visit her website at www.nancyfelix.com for more information.