Last week was National Princess Week according to the lady handing out paper crowns and plopping one  on my 9 month old daughter’s head.  Having only had a son for the last 8 years and under the assumption I would probably never have a daughter,  now that I find myself with one,  I will admit there is a side of me that wants to go all out girly girl pink and yes Princess.  Gleeful at the thought of dressing her up like a dolly,  dresses,  frills,  hair bows and all!

Then there is the sensible modern woman in me that says,  wait Claire, what are you thinking!  I will not subscribe to gender stereotypes,  let alone the Disney princess craze.  I will tell my daughter she is brilliant not beautiful.  She will wear overalls just like my son did,  and I will embrace the TomBoy in her.  Living in Los Angeles,  image capital of the world,  it seems even more pertinent to teach my daughter that looks are not the be all and end all, but  that ‘it’s what’s inside that counts’.

This inner conflict is reflected in the fact that I had a tough time thinking up a name for my daughter and why she ended up with two names - her formal and official name, May (the more 'grown-up' of the two) and what we really call her - the girly,  feminine every day name,  Maisie.

I guess at the end of the day I will probably have no need to reconcile my own angst as it will be Maisie or May who will decide what she wants to be called,  and whether she will be girly or TomBoy,  or a happy blend of the two.  She will be her own person,  princess or otherwise.

A recent essay by Lisa Bloom,  ‘How to Talk to Little Girls' discusses this very subject,  urging the reader to focus less on little girls’ appearances and more on their minds by talking about books rather than their cute clothes.  Brown points out that “nearly half of all three- to-six-year-old girls worry about being fat” and that “25 percent of young American women would rather win America’s Next Top Model  than the Nobel Peace Prize”.

I would love to hear from other mothers of girls on this gender issue,  how you have handled raising them?  And how your beautiful and brilliant daughters turned out anyway…?

If, like the majority of American couples,  you have opted to deliver your baby at a hospital rather than a birthing center,  make sure you have done your homework to make sure you like your local hospital,  and their philosophies, gel with your own ideas of how you hope your labor will go.  You will need to bear this in mind when you pick your OBGYN as most are affiliated with certain hospitals, so you need to make sure you like both your doctor and the hospitals they are connected with.  I thought my husband and I were super organized and had asked all the right questions when I was pregnant,  and yet we still forgot a fundamental question which came up mid-way through my birthing experience: can we take pictures and video? To which the answer was a surprising and disappointing “no!”

Firstly, make sure you write a birth plan so that both you, your partner,  doctor, and hospital are clear as to how you would like things to go all being well.  Give copies of your plan to your doctor and all attending nurses during shift changes at the hospital,  and make sure they have actually read it.  

Attend labor and delivery ward tours usually offered by hospitals and ask some of the following questions.  Of course, many your questions will vary depending on such things as whether you intend  to breastfeed or not,  if you are hoping for a more natural labor experience or if you are going to be induced or have a scheduled C-Section.

·         Do I get a private room?  And if so is there an extra fee for this?

·         Do you use any external/out of network doctors for certain tests that I need to check will be covered by my insurance?

·         Can we bring in extra props from home such as music, extra pillows, etc.?

·         Who can stay over?

·         How many visitors are allowed to be in the birthing room before, during and after delivery?  And what about a Doula?

·         Are we allowed to photograph and video the whole birth?

·         Can my baby stay with me the whole time (also referred to as “rooming in”) or will she be taken away for a period of observation after birth?

·         Do you have lactation consultants on staff?  And if so how often do they do rounds?

·         Do you have breast pumps available for rent?

·         What is hospital policy on assisting with drug-free births?  Or couples using Hypnobirthing techniques such as breathing meditations to achieve this?

·         Do I need to have constant fetal monitoring or constant IV drip if things are going well or can I walk around, take a shower, or sit on a birthing ball?

·          Can baby be put straight to breast immediately after birth?  Do you encourage immediate “skin to skin” contact?

·         Can my partner cut the cord if they wish?  And can I request this not happen right away if I wish?

In addition to questions for your hospital, it may also be prudent to check in with your insurance carrier to make sure your chosen hospital is in network,  and to reconfirm what they will and won’t cover in case of complications,  extra tests, or baby having to go to NICU.

Whatever your hopes  and plans for your labor and delivery,  you will have lots of questions.  Just make sure that you have done your due diligence and have checked that your chosen hospital and doctor will support your choices wherever possible.

Here’s to a happy and healthy labor experience!

I love breastfeeding! Ok, so maybe that sounds like an odd thing to shout about, but it’s true. I breast fed my son for over a year and I’m still going strong with my 7-month-old. After the initial stresses of you and bubba learning the gig, the engorgement, leaking, sore nipples, etc. (I’m not selling it very well am I?),  well, after that, it can become a wonderful bonding experience for both you and baby, as well as both cheap and convenient.  

What I don’t like about breastfeeding, however,  is the associated pumping – boy is that dull. (I remember laboriously pumping at some ungodly hour of the morning one time and then my husband subsequently knocking it over.  Pardon the pun but I believe I did indeed cry over spilt milk). Unfortunately, I have pumping on my mind right now,  as at the time of this blog going up, I will be at AuPairCare’s annual conference, and hence pumping for 3 days while husband tries to force feed baby a bottle back home – urgh! So, with this all in mind, here are some pumping pointers I have learned along the way…

Equipment

In addition to breast pads, nipple cream, and breast milk storage bags, you will of course need a pump. If you are working outside of the home,  you may want to get an electric pump such as the Medela Pump n Style (you can even get a hands-free version so you can read, type, conference call should you feel so inclined – and don’t mind the whoosh, whoosh sound in the background!). If you are a stay-at-home or work from home as I do, you may find a hand pump or two is sufficient to get the job done. Bear in mind that when you have the ability to pump on both sides at the same time you not only minimize the time it takes, but you also stimulate the milk ducts to produce more milk than if you pump  just one side at a time. This is especially useful if you are worried about low milk supply.

Storage

You can store breast milk for up to 3 hours at room temperature, up to 3 days in the fridge and up to 3 months in the freezer. (Make sure you mark the date you freeze the milk). Also if you are freezing milk you should only store in the fridge for 24 hours.  Do not mix fridge cold or frozen milk with fresh warm milk.

Support

I won’t go into all the ins and outs of when to pump,  how long,  which breast and so forth as I would bore you senseless. There are also many nuances depending on your individual situation. What I do suggest is that you have contact information for a lactation consultant to hand as they are a great resource if you are floundering with breastfeeding/pumping questions. Even better, consider attending a breastfeeding support group at your local hospital or La Leche League. With both my kids, had I not sought outside help I may well have thrown in the towel very early on, what with sleep deprivation, painful engorgement and  baby seemingly not ‘getting it’. So if you can, talk to the experts, hang in there, and you and baby will ultimately reap the benefits.

When I had my son 8 years ago, I was not working and as such had time to devote to him and hanging out with other mommies going for walks,  coffee,  singing groups,  baby yoga classes… Ahh what a nice life I had!  With my daughter, however,  life is very different;  living in a more suburban area and with 2 jobs,  and as a result,  barely enough time to hold down work and juggle basic baby duties,  let alone schlepp out to social events.  (And yes,  in case you were wondering I do need an au pair!)

I did manage lunch with a baby friend this past Friday but I was like a creature starved for fellow mommy chat,  so strong is the need  for reassurance that you’re doing ok and that your baby is on track:  Is Ayla rolling over yet?, sitting up?  How often are you breastfeeding now?  And what about solids?  When and for how long is she napping?  And at night? On and on went my interrogations..

So,  needless to say,  do as I say and not as I do….

Do make time to make mommy friends.  Plan play dates and attend mommy and me get-togethers – sure little Owen probably could care less about baby sitting next to him right now,  but in time he will,  and in the meantime you need the interaction with his mommy,   even if it is while singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’!

Don’t treat the internet as your new best mommy friend!  Saying don’t look on the internet is pointless of course,  but try not to obsessively look stuff up about baby ailments or hitting milestones - you can totally freak yourself out,  believe me I know!

There might be an extra being in your house,  one seemingly glued to your hip or breast,  but the irony is that looking after baby can be a lonely job.  It is easy to lose confidence if you don’t force yourself to get out the house and socialize with other non-dribbling humans, especially the ones that know what you’re going through. So,  stop reading blogs for now,  load up baby,  and head on out for some mommy and me time. I promise I’ll try more too…