After my recent post on Au Pair Academy, au pair Sunday asked for tips on getting through those first days with your new host family.  It really can be a huge adjustment.  Here are some tips from au pairs I spoke to, but I'd love to hear more from au pairs!

KEEP AN OPEN MIND: Everything will be different.  Trust me, everything!  Ask questions whenever you need to and embrace the differences.  Treat everything as a learning experience.
 

HELP OUT: Even though you are not working yet, set the tone for the year by taking care of your dishes, offering to assist your host parents and being a contributing member of household.  Show some initiative with tasks that they give you and make it clear that you want to be there to help.  On the other hand, though....
 

SET LIMITS: Don't go too far overboard to please your host family if they ask you to do something that is outside the program rules. 
 

SPEND QUALITY TIME: Get to know your host family, especially the kids you'll be caring for.  Work hard on making a connection with each family member and try to spend some one on one time playing or talking with them.
 

 DISCONNECT: After you have let your family and friends know you have arrived safely, turn off skype and log off of Facebook.  Immerse yourself in your host family and American culture.  Of course you'll use these tools throughout the year to keep in touch, but treat those first few days as an opportunity to nourish the new relationship with your host family.
 

BE PATIENT: Give yourself (and your host family) some time to adjust.  Your English may be rusty, or maybe you and one of your host children did not connect right away.  Remember that these things take time.  Give it your all and more than likely, it will set you on the path to a great year together.
 

This is it - arrival week! Your au pair will be arriving shortly to your home and you are excited! You know she is at Academy, but you have not heard from her yet. Is she here? Does she need anything? Why hasn't she called? These are common questions-in fact, a host family emailed me these exact questions this week. To learn more, I went right to the source: Au Pair Academy Dirctor Marisa Lonic for answers.
 

Erika: Thank you for taking some time to answer some common questions about Au Pair Acdemy, Marisa! Can you tells us more about arrival day?
Marisa: Thank for you asking about Academy. Upon arrival, all au pairs are told they should contact their natural families and their host families within the next day or so to let them know they have arrived safely.
 

Erika: That is great. Some of my host families have reported that they did not hear from their au pair when she arrived. Why might that be?
Marisa: We have computers set up on arrival day for AP's to use, as well as after class on Tuesday and Wednesday; however, the days are still jam packed. On Mondays, many au pairs arrive in the evening. They're hungry and exhausted, so after eating and settling into their room, many go right to sleep! On Tuesdays and Wednesdays, they are in class from 8:00am-5:00pm, with only a few short breaks. Afterwards, many head to New York City for the AuPairCare tour or to the Garden State Plaza shopping mall nearby. Needless to say, the downtime is minimal and after a long day of training, many au pairs just want to get out of the hotel and see some of the local sites during the short time they're here.
 

Erika: They sure are busy, Marisa! Can you tell me more about how the au pairs call their natural and host families?
Marisa: Sure! AuPairCare does sell phone cards for any au pairs who are interested in buying them. They cost $20 and provide 60-80 minutes of talk time, given the au pair calls a landline. They can be used to call their countries, as well as anywhere in the USA and expire after 6 months. Many au pairs do purchase a phone card and use this as a means to call their families; however, a handful of au pairs will also not leave a message if they don't actually reach their host family! They're shy, embarrassed or nervous to do so. We always promote doing this, and even practice it during training on Tuesday.

Erika: Wow, it sounds like you devote a lot of time to encouraging au pairs to call their host families.
Marisa: All in all, we do what we can to promote this connection when the au pairs arrive. We know it's important for the host family to hear from the au pair, so we definitely let them know this is something they should do. We also keep reminding them throughout the week, in case they haven't done so.
 

Erika: Is there anything else host families should know about connecting with their au pair after her arrival?
Marisa: Host families should know that they can also call their au pair at the hotel anytime throughout the week. They can ask for him/her by name and the hotel will connect the host family to the au pair's room. If the au pair is not there, the host family can certainly leave a voicemail and the au pair can check it whenever he/she returns. Au pairs love hearing from their host families while at the Academy. Sometimes if they can't get in touch with their host family or don't hear back, they get really nervous and are worried their host family will not be at the airport or hotel to pick them up on departure day. If a host family has not heard from their au pair after her arrival at Academy, they should feel free to call him or her there.

Erika: Marisa, thank you for all the great information! I’m sure it will help arrival go more smoothly for our host families and au pairs.

Sometimes, a family will match with their perfect au pair, welcome her into their home, and then be disappointed with aspects of the match. Why? Because she doesn't automatically remind the children to make their bed in the morning. Or bring in the bikes after play. Instead of pointing the finger at the au pair for being lazy, lacking initiative or drive, a host family may want to ask themselves if they have given the au pair enough direction and resources. It's important for host families to remember that au pairs, while experienced in caring for children, are not parents. This means that some of the nuances of caring for children and their belongings may not come automatically to an au pair. This should not be a 'dealbreaker', but rather should serve as a reminder to host families to address these issues with the au pair.

Take some time before your au pair arrives to develop a list of some things that you would like your au pair to do that she might not think of herself. Every culture and person is different, so the more information you give your au pair, the less room there is for frustration and misunderstandings. It may also be helpful once she arrives to ask her which tasks she views as part of her job. The answers may be right on, or you may find that there are some things that need to be discussed to clear up confusion. Some au pairs need more direction than others, so don't be afraid to be too specific about your expectations. It can't be said too many times that setting clear and direct expectations from the beginning (read: interview process) is the besy way to ensure that your match is successful. When issues like these comes up, I encourage host families to examine the expectation to make sure it is reasonable and if the expectation was clear to the au pair. 

Since as we all know first impressions are key, it is important to try to make that first welcome and first weekend with your new au pair a little special. Here's how!

Go to the Airport for Personalized Pick-up

The au pair has come a long way to be with your family, and the simple gesture of picking her up at the airport goes a long way as well. Au pairs always arrive in New York on a Monday, where they complete either the regular 3-day training and then fly to their host cities on Thursday, or, if participating in the 4-day Infant Specialized Care Program, fly to their host cities on the Friday. In both cases, the host family should meet their au pair at their local airport to welcome her.

Rule number one in my book is try to be on time for her arriving flight. Call ahead to check on any delays, and plan for traffic and parking, especially since the flights are evening arrivals and may coincide with rush hour.

When I was an au pair (many moons ago), I arrived at the then Denver Stapleton Airport to find no family to meet and greet me, and it was scary and upsetting, and unfortunately set a bad tone from the outset. I think if at all possible it is also really nice if the whole family, Mom, Dad and the kids, are able to all be there at the exit to meet their new family member. I know many of my host families make special signs, or take balloons or flowers for their au pair’s arrival as a welcoming first gesture. For the car ride home, especially if this is a longer trip and you are concerned about any initial awkwardness, perhaps have some questions lined up for  her like, How her flight was? Her time in New York? Did she make any friends? What did she learn? What were her impressions and what did she see in the Big Apple?

Make Her feel Welcome in her New Home

When you arrive home, it is of course nice to have prepared a welcoming environment, so perhaps (if you’re like me at any rate) a little tidy up before hand is in order! and certainly to have made  her room (and if applicable, bathroom) comfortable and ready for her, with fresh linens, space for storing her clothes and other things and perhaps a desk. If you haven’t already given her a small gift such as flowers at the airport, maybe instead at home, you have prepared a welcome sign/note, flowers, balloon, teddy bear, or little gift basket to include things like a local area guidebook or some initial toiletries for her use.

While there are no prerequisites for gifts or what goes in an au pair's room, I think it goes without saying that it is just nice to make things as initially welcoming as possible. You may want to give her a quick initial tour of the house and may have prepared a nice first dinner – either home cooked or out at a local restaurant. Just remember in your excitement that she will most likely be very tired, jet lagged and overwhelmed, so don’t overdo it that first night.

Clear your Schedule

The first few days you spend together are crucial in establishing a foundation for a successful relationship. For the remainder of the weekend, it is nice if you are able to keep other commitments to  a minimum and are able to spend quality time with your au pair. I know we are all super busy with chores on weekends, but you have known her arrival date for some time, and it does  not send out the right message if that first weekend, you are off here there and everywhere, soccer practice, dinner with friends, or immediately launch into leaving her alone with the kids as you go out. Not that you have to arrange anything fancy for her, but as I said, perhaps just a nice meal, some quality time together, a short tour of the local neighborhood to orient her, all just to show her that you are genuinely happy she is here and to welcome her into your fold – Mi Casa es Su Casa!

Those of you that are veteran host families, I would love to hear of any other things you and your family do to help your Au Pair feel welcome and settled that first weekend!