One of my friends recently told me that the only vacation a working mom takes during the summer is a guilt trip. Visions of mellow afternoons at the pool or long days at the beach made her feel like her kids were missing out, and she was responsible. Having been on both sides of the working world, I can say that guilt is a mom's constant companion whether or not you have a job with a paycheck. It was, however, a chaotic summer than prompted me to check out the au pair option.

I'd cobbled together a series of camps for my kids. Soccer camp, nature camp, science camp, swimming camp, art camp... (They're not even really camps -- no mosquito bites, no camp fires -- well, maybe at nature camp.) But all three of my kids didn't want to go to every camp, so sometimes I made them go anyway, and some weeks I drove all over the valley in the morning to get them to separate camps before I went to work. By August, no one wanted to go to camp, and I was frantically calling college students in the hope of getting babysitting for the last few weeks before school started. 

The following summer, I hired my first au pair, Alice, and the insanity just melted away. Ali took them to the pool, the park, or the zoo. Sometimes they just stayed home, and she made them Italian food. There was a week or two that they did go to a camp, but it was one that they'd chosen and Ali drove them there. Everyone was much happier, and I think it cost less overall than an endless line-up of camps.

We did get in some of those days at the beach, on the weekend, and we managed a decent family vacation. Ali came with, which made it much more relaxing.

So no more guilt trips! Take a real summer break. We're all doing our best to juggle the mom and kid thing. And thanks to the au pairs who step in, help us out, and join our families... especially during the summer. 

For the last few weeks, our au pair has been working on vacation plans with a fellow au pair.  They chose the date, cleared it with their host families….and then discovered their tour was full.  The girls went back to the drawing board and chose the only other time this summer their tour was offered, which just so happened to be the same week our back-up childcare would be on vacation.  Mia looked so disappointed and I felt awful, but clearly, this date did not qualify as “mutually agreed upon”.
 
What’s this, you ask?  “Mutually agreed upon” is what vacation dates must be – acceptable to both host family and au pair.  Just as an au pair should never book a vacation without consulting her host family, host families also do not have the right to dictate when an au pair can have vacation solely based on their schedules or desires.  The mutual respect that au pairs and host families should have for one another must extend to the realm of vacation time as well.
 
As much as I want Mia to have every experience possible while she is here, I also need to look out for our family’s best interests.  As I expected, she handled the news gracefully and understood our situation.  She and her friend plan to look for a different trip, or will consider traveling in the fall.  You can be sure we will do whatever we can to make her dream trip happen – finding a mutually agreed upon resolution is what being a family is all about.
 

This week a Host Mom emailed me to ask about vacation.  “Vera has asked us if she can take 7 days of vacation in May.  It works out with our schedule, but she will have only been here for 3 months – should we let her take the time?”  This was a great question and something that often, host parents and au pairs do not think about.

While we always recommend that au pairs take their vacation at a time that is mutually agreeable for both au pair and host family, it is also worth mentioning that au pairs earn their vacation time at a rate of 1 day per month worked AFTER the first two months.  Therefore, Vera would have earned just one vacation day before her trip.  Typically, I advise host families to keep close to the number of days earned when allowing their au pair to take vacation.  This relieves any issues of confusion in terms of days earned/spent and also makes transition easier in the event of rematch. 

Ultimately, Vera decided – probably smartly! – that she really could not afford to go on a trip so early in her year.  This was a relief for her host family, and they worked together to find a better time later in the year, when Vera would have earned most of her vacation days.

This weekend, I had a frantic call from a host mom as their family tried to board a cruise ship.  Immigration had stopped the au pair and told the host mom that they were missing documents that would allow her to get back into the US.  "We have her visa right here, we told them she was our au pair!  What other document could they need?"

My hope is that all of the au pairs (and most of the host families) reading this know the answer.  DS-2019!  Why is this document so important?  The DS-2019 shows that the sponsoring agency (AuPairCare) allows the au pair to travel during her year.  While at Au Pair Academy, an agent from AuPairCare will sign this document for the au pair, and it is good throughout the year.

The host mom's next question was "Can you fax me this DS?"  Unfortunately, the answer is no.  Au pairs are issued one copy by the US government, signed at Academy, and it cannot be replaced.  This is why it is so important that au pairs keep their documents safe, and bring them along when traveling.  Area Directors or AuPairCare cannot reissue the DS.

In this situation, Immigration stated that they would take a faxed copy of the DS-2019, and the host family sent someone to their home to get it and fax it so the au pair could come along on the vacation.  Very lucky indeed, but clearly a lot of unnecessary drama was caused by simply forgetting the important rule: Bring your DS-2019 anytime you are traveling!