An au pair in my cluster recently had to return home unexpectedly to be with an ailing family member. Unfortunately, these types of things do happen and occasionally an au pair will need to return home before her program year is over. Before making the decision to return home, au pairs should consider all the ramifications of leaving the program early and discuss them with their host family.

Flight: AuPairCare's Au Pair Agreement states that flights home will be paid only for au pairs who successfully complete the program. The au pair's travel insurance will pay for flights home in the event of certain emergency situations, but not all. Therefore, au pairs considering returning home to be with a family member dealing with medical issues should talk to their Area Director to be sure they understand the travel insurance.

Flight Documentation: Au pairs who are leaving the program should always give their Area Director their flight information. The Department of State requires that AuPairCare provide this information for SEVIS (Student Exchange and Visitor Program) when an au pair leaves the program. Au pairs for whom no flight information is entered may be considered AWOL by the Department of State and therefore have difficulties entering the country again later as a tourist or student. Giving your Area Director your flight information to document ensures that you leave the US in good standing.

Completion Certificate: When an au pair finishes her program year, Au Pair Care issues a completion certificate to au pairs. Many need this certificate to give to universities or employers to show how they spent their year. These certificates are also not issued when host families and au pairs mutually decide to end their program early, therefore host families and au pairs should take this under consideration.  Saying goodbye to your au pair is never easy, especially when it happens earlier than expected. Knowing more about the process and implications of ending early can make the transition easier for all involved.

One of my host families is currently searching for a replacement au pair who is already in the United States. While discussing their options, I found myself once again explaining to a wonderful host family that there was not a large selection of au pairs in the country waiting for new placements. If only it were so easy! Despite the common misconception that there are loads of homeless au pairs just waiting for a new family to work with, the reality is that the pool of available au pairs available right away is a limited group.

Unsuccessful matches are not very common; most au pairs either complete the program year with their original family, then either return home or extend for additional time with that same family. When a match is unsuccessful, it’s typically the result of personality differences between the au pair and host family, and though AuPairCare encourages all parties to work through these differences, sometimes it’s best to part ways (when this happens with an overseas au pair within the first 6 months, the host family can match with a replacement au pair at no additional cost).

There are a lot of factors that make an au pair and a family a good match, including relevant age experience, driving skills, and personality. With only a small handful of au pairs available in the country at any given time, it can't be said enough that families hoping for one of these au pairs are better off if they remain as open and flexible as possible in order to find the right match. And whenever possible, consider choosing a new au pair from our much larger overseas pool of candidates.

This host family ultimately decided that they could make things work with interim childcare while they waited for the arrival of a new au pair from overseas - someone who they think will fit right in and fulfill all their requirements. If you find yourself in the unlikely event of a re-match, consider following the same path to find the perfect fit.

In a program that deals with people, it is natural that occasionally there will be problems. Misunderstandings and miscommunication are facts of life, and sometimes can lead to the end of a match. When there are problems in your match, you can expect to be in communication with your Area Director, so that she can help you and your au pair work through your issues. Should it be necessary, she will come to your home and do a mediation. This is an opportunity for both parties to be heard and possible solutions to be discussed. If things aren't going well, or a solution cannot be found, the rematch process will be discussed.

It is at this point in many mediations that I encounter the myths that exist about rematch. The impression many people have is that rematch is an easy solution to even the smallest of problems. The reality is that rematch is a big undertaking with consequences. Let's take a look at some common rematch myths.
 

MYTH 1: If things aren't perfect right away, a rematch is best. The adjustment period can take time, and AuPairCare asks all parties to allow 60 days for this transition. Bonding with children, driving, English ability, culture shock and just plain learning how to interact with one another are all a part of this transition.
 

MYTH 2: There are lots of other families and au pairs to pick from. The pool of families looking for a new au pair and available au pairs changes from day to day - hour to hour, really! Families and au pairs should not expect much variety of new placements to choose from when they are in rematch. Host Families have the option to choose from an overseas au pair, and are encouraged to do so since the pool is so much larger. Au pairs should be prepared to be open to a variety of situations.
 

MYTH 3: Rematch is a great way to see a new area/have a new experience.  Some au pairs seem to have the idea that if there is even the smallest thing they do not like about their placement, rematch is an easy way to make the switch. Au pairs in rematch are not able to request specific areas of the country. When an au pair in rematch turns down an offer from a family for a new match, it brings into question her dedication to the program. That is not to say that there are not reasons to turn a match down, but it should not be done based on frivolous reasons.
 

MYTH 4: A rematch will solve the problem. All parties need to closely examine their role in the match to see if there are adjustments or improvements that need to be made. For example, if an au pair has trouble getting home in time for curfew, she should work hard to fix this problem, as it would still be an issue in a new match. Similarly, if one of the children in the host family is not responding to the au pair and acting out, time should be taken to get to the bottom of the issue to make sure another au pair will not have the same situation. 
 

Rematching is sometimes necessary, but never easy. Take time to nuture your relationship with your au pair/host family to prevent the need to rematch. If a rematch does happen, work closely with your Area Director to make it as smooth as possible for everyone involved.
 

Are you thinking about a rematch?  If so, there are some things you should consider.  Au Pair Care contract recommends that no rematches occur before the "initial adjustment period of 60 days".  This allows the au pair, the family and the children time to get to know each other and time for the au pair to learn the family's needs and expectations.  First, try to work out any issues together with input from your Area Director before deciding to rematch. However, sometimes even the best efforts fail and you might be considering a rematch. 

"If the Host Family is within the first 6 months of a 12 month program Au Pair Care will provide Host Family with ONE replacement au pair without requiring Host to reapply to the program and pay new fees." 

Rematch has a strucutured process that every Area Director must follow.  There are required protocols and documentation rules in place to make this run smoother for everyone.

Mediation:
 It is important NOT to sit on an explosive issue.  In my experience, the concerns will snowball and become unmanageable.  I have heard, "I thought it would go away" and "we didn't want to make a big deal" or "I was afraid to say anything to my au pair/host family" and "I didn't want to bother you.".  Well, please bother me because communication is key.  I try to help you resolve your concerns first by phone (talking to both the host family and au pair) and then in person.  I will not wait to "spring" an issue on an au pair or host family at the mediation.  I come to the home for a required Au Pair Care mediation.  There are several goals to a mediation: resolve concerns and/or initiate rematch and prepare family and au pair for successful transition.  During the mediation, I listen to both the host family and au pair.  I will ask you to work on your presenting issues for a few weeks to see if the situation improves with my guidance and suggestions.  Sometimes this problem solving will save the match and head off a rematch.  If not, either the host family or au pair are allowed to then request a rematch.  During rematch mediation, I will review host family program fees, contract rules for au pair and host family, refund policy, replacement au pair policy, steps for rematch, remaining au pair vacation time, money owed au pair or host family, education requirement completed thus far by au pair, au pair housing arrangements, and au pair departure date from host family home.  Both parties sign and agree to the rematch terms for planning purposes and must be commited to the designated departure date unless a change is approved. 

Transition:
Once a rematch is determined as the best course of action, I determine if the family is willing to house the au pair for up to 2 weeks.  I find that housing the au pair allows everyone to have closure and end the match as friends.  The au pair is a young person in a foreign country without her/his family.  The host family is her/his family for now.  The host children benefit from consistent childcare if the au pair stays until rematching with a new family OR the family can choose to house the au pair and have her/him refrain from childcare duties (program fees and stipend are adjusted accordingly).  Most au pairs are relieved and appreciative if the family will house them.  Though if necessary, I help my host family and au pair arrange alternative housing, either with me or with a friend of the au pair usually outside of the program.  I do not want anyone in an uncomfortable situation-this benefits no one.  The au pair or host family pays the Area Director $25.00 a day to house. 

REMATCH DO's and DON'TS:

• Do NO let the children hear you argue.
• Do NOT confide rematch/confidentiality issues in the children or have the kids take sides
• Do NOT yell or use bad language
• Do NOT post negative comments on Facebook
• Do NOT give each other the silent treatment
• Do NOT sabotage interviews with new host families/au pairs
• DO stay positive and interact together, eat dinner together, and try to keep a normal routine as much as possible
• DO tell the children in a way they will understand what is happening (decide how, when and who tells the children).
• DO keep in frequent touch with your Area Director and follow the Au Pair Care rematch protocol
• DO continue to follow Department of State rules
• DO read your Au Pair Care contract
• DO make a farewell scrapbook or photo album for the kids

Rematch:
Once in rematch the au pair's overseas agency is notified and the au pair is approved to interview by Au Pair Care.  The host family is approved and goes back into Family Room selections to interview new au pairs either in country or overseas.  Both parties are then actively looking for a new placement.  This can be a stressful time, especially if one of you matches much sooner than the other.  Remember your designated departure date and use that as your guide.  Au Pair Care does not guarantee continuous childcare coverage so the family needs to have back up childcare ready just in case.  Usually au pairs rematch within about 1-3 weeks.  Au pairs who do not rematch must go home.  Host families rematch anywhere between 1-6 weeks depending on if the new match is in country or overseas.  Rematch can be an emotional process but it does not have to be negative.  With guidance and support from your Area Director; host families, children, and au pairs can weather this crisis and have a happy ending.