One of our host dads was featured on Patch.com Walnut Creek this week! Read how Christian Madsen, single-father-of-two living in Walnut Creek, California, balances his work, home and love life with the help of his au pair Miriam. Read the story here.

Just this past Halloween, one of my local host dads and the family's au pair attended Orlando Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.  The host dad and au pair have established a nice friendship that includes doing things together.  As an Area Director, I encourage host dads to get involved and establish a relationship with the au pair right from the beginning.  In some households, it is mainly the host mom who interviews and gets to know the au pair on a personal level.  I find the year goes much smoother and is a lot happier when both the host parents can connect with the aupair in their own way.  Does this mean you have to take your au pair out one on one?  Maybe not, if this is not your style.  A host dad can get to know their au pair through conversation over a cup of coffee, through cooking dinner together, or watching a movie or sports event together at home.  A lot of au pairs enjoy learning about the differences in American sports and the games of their country.  Perhaps your au pair would like to shadow you for a few hours at your work?  Or join a fitness club together and work out.  As a host dad, talk to your au pair and find ways to connect.  Remember, your au pair most likely has a father or another significant male role model at home and will want that relationship here in America as well.

The main issue I see that host dads and au pairs encounter is communication.  Somehow, the male sense of humor does not always translate well.  For example, some host dads can be sarcastic or teasing or ironic but mean this in a sense of fun. This can be very hard to directly translate these types of speech.  I once had a host dad who loved to tease and he would say things laughingly at our Au pair Orientation such as "our au pair is going to clean the pool".  He was joking to get a reaction out of her.  I knew he was joking, the host mom knew he was joking, but the poor au pair would always look at me with big, worried eyes.  This family often matched with mainly English speaking aupairs and yet the girl would still get confused!  Humor varies from country to country so don't assume your aupair understands when you joke or tease.  Try to be more direct in the beginning and hope that eventually your aupair will learn your sense of humor.  However be sensitive to your au pair's reaction and modify your interactions accordingly. 

An au pair is in your home and most likely sees the host dad as an authority figure.  In some countries, the man still rules the home.  An aupair might have more conservative views of the male/female role in the household.  Be aware of your au pair's culture before she arrives.  Ask her questions about the dynamics in her own family and country to better understand her background and expectations.  Does her mother work?  What is her relationship like with her parents?  Talk to her about how your family might be different or similiar to hers.  Learn a bit about her country and culture.  In some countries, respect between men and women is more highly valued than here in the USA.  A female au pair can become very offended if a host dad speaks to her in a disrespectful, harsh, or rude tone.  If this happens, make sure you (the host dad not the host mom) apologize immediately and find a more helpful way to give your au pair direct feedback.  You can also talk about the differences in the culture's communication styles, but don't expect your au pair to immediately be comfortable with direct confrontation or teasing, etc.  This is not learned right away but is an ongoing process.

I have had many single host dads match with female aupairs.  This actually has worked wonderfully.  I think the main factor for success here is to be up front about your single/divorced lifestyle with the au pair upon interviewing.  Let her know what to expect when she arrives at your home.  Walk her through a typical day in your home.  In general, the successful host dad is one who takes time to get to know his au pair.  Remember, you are a host DAD and your aupair looks to you for guidance.  Treat your au pair like a daughter or younger sister, remember and respect cultural differences and communication styles, and you are off to a great friendship!