A couple of years ago, I spoke with a host mom who was very concerned about her au pair. The host mom reported that they au pair of 4 months was normally outgoing and adventerous, filling her weekends with fun plans and doing everything with a smile on her face. That particular weekend, the au pair had seemd despondent and had spent much of the time in her room. The host mom was concerned, but did not want to pry or be nosy.
 

My response? Be nosy!! Once I urged the host mom to talk to her au pair, host mom found out that the au pair's cousin was getting married that particular weekend. The au pair and her cousin were very close, much of her extended family would be together and she was missing out. When host mom heard this they had a nice long chat, and the host mom invited the au pair to come to the movies with the family. By the end of the evening, their au pair was much more 'herself'.

When it comes to your au pair and homesickness: KNOW ABOUT THE TRIGGERS and KEEP BUSY TO FIGHT IT. To nip homesickness in the bud, I always recommend that host families create a calendar with their family's special events on it. This can be on one of the many calendar sites like Google or Cozi, or just printed from the computer. When the au pair arrives, ask her to fill it in with her special events. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays from home...anything that is important.
 

Since knowing is half the battle, fighting it is easy; acknowledge the event, do something to celebrate it, and then keep her busy with other things. You can bake a little cake, turn on skype, and sing Happy Birthday to your au pair's mother, or help her put together a care package for her brother heading off to college. Then encourage her to get out, or help keep her busy with a craft, back to school shopping, or a family game day.
 

When in doubt as to how to deal with homesickness (or any issue!), the most important thing is to communicate. Good luck!
 

A strong support system is essential for all people.  Most au pairs find support particularly helpful as they navigate a year away from their friends and family.  In my experience, au pairs who form a strong connection to their community in some way are the ones who have the most successful year.  While it is of course the heart of the program that your au pair would become a part of your family and form that strong bond that makes her year special, there are lots of other ways to help your au pair create a sense of family in the US.
 
*Find an outlet! Whatever it is that your au pair loves to do at home - run, paint, sing, etc - help them find a way to continue doing it.  Add them to your gym membership, encourage them to sign up for free classes at the community center.  Facilitate her involvement in these things in any way you can.  Not only will she enjoy it, but she most likely meet new friends who have similar interests.  One of my au pairs joined a running club.  The other members became her closest friends during her year, and invited her to celebrate various holidays and events with them.
 
*Invite her friends in!  Getting to know your au pair's friends has several great benefits.  One, knowing other au pair friends gives your family the opportunity to experience yet another culture.  Second, when a host family meets an au pair's friends, it may ease their mind about allowing the au pair to have visitors when they are not home.  Finally, having an 'open door' policy (once you've met the other person, of course) sends the au pair the message that this is her home, and she is a part of the family.
 
*Encourage her to meet people! There are several great ways for your au pair to make friends during her year.  Getting to know others in her own cluster is of course a great way to forge new friendships.  Remind your au pair how hard it was for her when she first arrived and encourage her to reach out to new au pairs in the cluster.  Au pairs can also take advantage of the social benefit the educational component can give.  Making friends with other young people through courses can be a wonderful outlet for an au pair.
 
*Attend religious services!  For many, spiritual life is very important and can itself be a wonderful comfort to au pairs throughout their year.  Religious communities are full of people who want to reach out and help a person going through a challenge.  Whenever possible, allow your au pair to attend services and become a part of her local religious family.

As the holiday season approaches, there has never been a better time to help your au pair create her own sense of family here in the US.  These tips will get you started!

Whenever I go out to do an Arrival Orientation, host families and au pairs have a lot of specific questions regarding driving, school, and the au pair's duties.  Usually, we get through my checklist and at the end, I have to remind everyone about our monthly cluster events.  Everyone smiles and nods, acknowledging this important aspect of the program.

Then the time comes for the monthly event.

No matter how fun the events are, there are always some host families and au pairs who look at this part of the program as an afterthought.  Sometimes even an inconvenience.  Yet these events should be a priority for everyone involved.

Much like the educational component of the program, the monthly events exist to create a way for au pairs to get out and meet other people.  The fun we have at these events helps us build a meaningful relationship.  Without this relationship, your au pair may be less likely to share vital information, such as feelings of homesickness, with her Area Director.  Your Area Director may also be less able to identify when your au pair is having a difficult time.  Cultivating the au pair/Area Director relationship is a key part of the cluster events.

Even more important that this relationship is the lifelong friendships au pairs forge during their year, and monthly events are usually the first place these relationships begin.  Au pairs must, for their own well being, get out with friends during their time off.  Monthly events give new au pairs (really all au pairs!) a chance to meet their cluster and begin to form these relationships.  My cluster activities often incorporate bonding experiences - team bowling matches, scary amusement park rides, etc.  Au pairs will become fast friends when they are holding hands screaming atop a roller coaster!

The Host Family Agreement states that one of the host family's responsibilities is to facilitate the au pair's attendance at these events.  I ask my host families to take this one step further.  Encourage your au pair to attend these events.  Put the events on your calendar and make every effort to allow your au pair to be off so she can attend.  In her first few months, help her figure out the bus schedule, remind her that she has use of the car for these events, or help her organize carpooling with other au pairs.  Facilitating your au pair's attendance at these events will go a long way in helping your au pair adjust and become comfortable for her year.

I must admit, this post was inspired by the cluster event I held over the weekend.  Almost all of my au pairs were able to attend our event apple picking.  We rode the wagon out to the orchard, took goofy pictures of ourselves picking and eating apples, and shared cupcakes one of the au pairs brought for us.  As we said goodbye, there was a flurry of activity as au pairs exchanged phone numbers and called their host parents to say that they were going to stop off for dinner together on the way home.  Later that night, photos were posted on Facebook, comments exchanged, and I could see that plans were already being made for next weekend.  It may sound corny, but I couldn't help but smile to think of the strong bonds these au pairs are forming.

So next month, when your au pair reminds your of her cluster event, tell her to have fun - and not to rush home!

Imagine going half way around the world for one year away from your family and friends and everything you’ve ever know. Most of us can’t imagine being in that situation. So, I think it’s important to try and recognize the fact that AuPairs are giving up their lives to start a new life with your family, but it doesn’t mean they won’t miss back home.

Recently our AuPair’s sisters had babies. She is very close to her family and not being able to see the babies has been a bit difficult. However, one of the gifts we gave her upon her arrival to our family was a webcam. We wanted her to be able to see and talk with her family as much as she wants, at no cost. This has been a great way for her to stay involved in her family life, even though she is thousands of miles away.

We have encouraged her to go back home and visit to see the babies and enjoy spending time with her family. I believe that once she has the chance to go back home and visit, she will also be reminded of the happy life she has in the US. And come back refreshed!

I believe it’s important to remain as supportive as possible because it will only make all of our lives better. I would really like to hear how other families are handling this type of situation.