Much as the ancients made offerings to appease their gods, there is a secret au pair rule that instructs all new au pairs to bring gifts to their host families.  From each of my 14 au pairs, we have had the ritual “presentation of gifts” on pick-up day.

Vera presented us with carefully wrapped packages in traditional Slovakian gift wrap.  The boys got books, candy, and small toys.  Hank dove right into the Slovakian chocolate.  Will tried the fruit-flavored chewy candy and went directly to the wastebasket and spit it out.  My husband and I received a beautiful crystal vase that I still use today.  Lena brought a DVD about the Czech Republic (and candy). Helen brought a book about Bergen, Norway (and candy).  Sabrina brought my son, Hank a stuffed animal, Will a LEGO, and for us, German chocolate.  Even though she was our most challenging au pair, Carla gave us the best presents: two handcrafted wooden Buddhist statues.  She called them “grandmother” and “grandfather,” and they represented spirits that protect a family.  Carla is long gone but “grandmother and grandfather” still sit on my mantle today.  After matching with au pair Elisa from Sweden, I got wise.  I made suggestions via e-mail on the gifts: for Hank, a stuffed animal; for Will, a CD of a famous Swedish rock band; for my husband and me, chocolate (what else?).  It was a hit, all around.  Hank named his new lion “Leyon” (lion in Swedish) and slept with it every night for a month after Elisa’s arrival.  It was a great first impression!

Knowing that this is going to happen, be sure to discuss with your au pair in advance what she might bring for the children.  A great gift from your au pair to your child will help to establish that much needed connection.  Chocolate is always a winner in my family.

And you don’t want to be the one at the party who forgot to bring a gift, so be sure to greet your new au pair with a gift of her own.  I give each of our new au pairs a “welcome” card, holding three or four gift cards of $10 or $15 from Starbucks, the local ice cream shop, the movies, and the bookstore.  I want them to get out of the house and meet friends, and if they are not spending their own money, they might just do it.
 

This holiday season, I vow to do more selecting and less collecting of gifts for my children and nieces and nephews.  All it takes is a little practice to listen carefully and remember what appeals to each child. 

I remember my daughter's favorite gift one Christmas.  It came from her aunt who had keyed into a comment I made.  I told my sister that my toddler was fascinated with clouds.

As my daughter opened her gift from my sister, a big, white, fluffy "cloud" escaped.  My daughter was amazed and delighted.  Inside, the box was filled with white stuffing typically used for stuffed animals. My sister had purchased it at a fabric store.  It was such a simple gift and my daughter loved it.

She gently dropped the "cloud" off the loft, down into the living room, over and over, watching it float down.  During quiet time, we would reshape the cloud into different animals that delighted her.  At night, we would stuff the cloud back into the box until the sun came up the next day.

My daughter is entering her teenage years and still talks about her very own "cloud" and how clever Aunt Whitney was to give her one.

What are some of the best toys your children have received?  I am certain there are creative and thoughtful gifts that other families would love to hear about.  Share them with us.

In case you were wondering what to give your au pair when the time comes for you to part ways, we have the perfect idea!
Why not share some memories from your year together through a personal photo book?  The book can hold pictures of your children, your vacation experiences and your au pair’s adventures with your family. The best about it is that we found this awesome deal on Vistaprint for creating a $5 Photobook (with free shipping too!)
The photo book is a 4" x 6" Photo Flip Book, with 20 pages included. You can select from more than 80 designs and customize with captions!   

                                        
If you want a superior version,  Shutterfly also offers 20% off on all their photo products (they have a variety of deluxe photo books and other items, including mugs, coasters, aprons, etc.) 

And, finally, don’t forget you can always use our AuPairCare extension option if you and your au pair aren’t quite ready to part. 

Gifts upon Arrival and Welcome~When your new au pair arrives to your home after a long week at Au Pair Academy she will most likely shower you and your family with small gifts from her country.  Many of the au pairs bring little souveneirs to introduce and share their culture with you.  Take time to sit and exclaim and ask about these treasures.  Most au pairs invest a lot of thought (and sometimes more money than they can really afford) to get just that special item to impress you or your children.  As a Host Family, you should also be prepared with some type of Welcome gift and gesture.  It can be simple such as a sign made and decorated by the kids and accompanied by a basket of American candy and seasonal fruit.  In Florida, it is typical for us to give sunglasses and sunblock lotion so think about what might be a good gift for your region.  I have had host families give their au pairs teddy bears to hug (set it out on her bed), cozy slippers, picture frames (print out a photo of her family and have it ready in the frame on her dresser), scrapbooks, photo albums, English translation books and other heartfelt gestures.  One host mom purchased a small flag from her au pair's native country and hung it in the au pair's room to greet her upon arrival. 

Au Pair Project, a Gift for Host Families to Treasure~Your au pair will also bring her Au Pair Project to your home.  The project is a personal book that the au pair has created that relates to your family and children.  Most au pairs spend hours of time and energy to put together this special required Au Pair Care project.  It is a gift given to the Host Family and it should be shared together, discussed, and appreciated.  Do make a point to look at this book and thank your au pair.  Your children will see that your au pair was thinking and planning for them far before her arrival.  A great idea is to display this book permanently on your coffee table for family, friends, and neighbors to enjoy.

Gifts at Au Pair Academy~While at the Au Pair Academy, we ask that you NOT send your au pair gifts at the hotel.  This is not to be cruel but just the opposite.  We have a large group of young people at academy, usually at least 100 or more.  It hurts feelings when some au pairs receive gifts and others do not.  It is also a logistic problem for the hotel and Academy team to deliver gifts during this whirlwind academic experience.  It is best to save your gifts for arrival night at your home.  It will be more personal and special this way as well. 

Gifts for Birthdays and Holidays~Most au pairs are a little overwhelmed by the American emphasis on gift purchasing and giving.  I have had more than one au pair be shocked at the amount of toys American children receive at birthdays and Christmas.  It is a good idea to talk to your au pair about your family's gift giving expectations.  Will you celebrate your au pair's birthday by giving her a gift?  Find out what she is comfortable with receiving and also ask how her country celebrates.  For example, in France, the 20th birthday (not the 21st) is the big deal.  A nice idea is to purchase some theatre tickets or sports events tickets for your au pair on her birthday.  Also, do you expect your au pair to buy gifts for your children at every holiday?  If so, let her know this as soon as possible, help her set a realistic budget and then point her in the direction of some reasonable priced stores such as Wal Mart or Target.  It is wise to prepare your children to appreciate gifts they may not be expecting.  In some cultures, gifts are handmade and not store bought.  One holiday season one of my au pair's made lovely pottery for each member of her host family.  The kids were a bit surprised to get a homemade gift and the au pair reported to me that they sort of tossed it aside.  It is a valuable cultural and life lesson to learn that gifts come from the heart.  Discuss with your au pair and your children the expectations and create a year long plan for joyful and sensible gift exchange.