When I had my son 8 years ago, I was not working and as such had time to devote to him and hanging out with other mommies going for walks,  coffee,  singing groups,  baby yoga classes… Ahh what a nice life I had!  With my daughter, however,  life is very different;  living in a more suburban area and with 2 jobs,  and as a result,  barely enough time to hold down work and juggle basic baby duties,  let alone schlepp out to social events.  (And yes,  in case you were wondering I do need an au pair!)

I did manage lunch with a baby friend this past Friday but I was like a creature starved for fellow mommy chat,  so strong is the need  for reassurance that you’re doing ok and that your baby is on track:  Is Ayla rolling over yet?, sitting up?  How often are you breastfeeding now?  And what about solids?  When and for how long is she napping?  And at night? On and on went my interrogations..

So,  needless to say,  do as I say and not as I do….

Do make time to make mommy friends.  Plan play dates and attend mommy and me get-togethers – sure little Owen probably could care less about baby sitting next to him right now,  but in time he will,  and in the meantime you need the interaction with his mommy,   even if it is while singing ‘The Wheels on the Bus’!

Don’t treat the internet as your new best mommy friend!  Saying don’t look on the internet is pointless of course,  but try not to obsessively look stuff up about baby ailments or hitting milestones - you can totally freak yourself out,  believe me I know!

There might be an extra being in your house,  one seemingly glued to your hip or breast,  but the irony is that looking after baby can be a lonely job.  It is easy to lose confidence if you don’t force yourself to get out the house and socialize with other non-dribbling humans, especially the ones that know what you’re going through. So,  stop reading blogs for now,  load up baby,  and head on out for some mommy and me time. I promise I’ll try more too…

Part 1 – Prenatal Yoga

It’s of no great surprise that pregnancy, childbirth and childrearing take a pretty hefty toll on the body, (she writes as she groans with neck and shoulder pain from hauling and breastfeeding an increasingly heavy baby). I am a yoga instructor, and yet even since being in utero, young Maisie has given me a better work out than an Ashtanga class at a local gym. With this in mind, here are some sample stretches to help keep you in tip-top physical and mental shape, in this part, before baby, and next week, post baby. Bear in mind, that if you attend a class rather than just practicing at home, you have the added benefit of potentially meeting some new mommy and baby friends along the way.

Prenatal Poses:

Pelvic floor exercises otherwise known as Kegels:

I think we all know what these squeeze and hold exercises are as well as their benefits without me having to spell this one out.

Reverse Namaste Position:

To strengthen wrists and prevent carpal tunnel syndrome, as well as opening the chest to alleviate future hours spent cradling and feeding your infant. Sit in a comfortable cross-legged position (you can also sit on a folded blanket, bolster or chair). Bring your hands gently behind your back and carefully point your fingertips upwards and bring palms together in reverse prayer.

Side Lying Leg Pulses:

To help strengthen your hips and thighs for childbirth. As the name suggests, lie on your side and pulse your top leg. Repeat on other side.

Squats:

To help strengthen your hips, thighs and stamina for childbirth.  Stand with your legs wider than hip width and sit down into a squatting position, either with your back against a wall or away from a wall, and either staying still or moving up and down in a moving version of the pose.  

Legs up the wall Pose (Viparita Karani):

To alleviate swelling in legs and ankles in late pregnancy. Elevate your feet on chair or up the side of a wall. Breathe and relax.

Final Resting Pose (Savasana):

To rest, relax and meditate on the wonder of your pregnancy. Lie on the ground with knees bent or supported on a rolled blanket. Close your eyes and connect with your baby.

My body is beautiful and strong

My baby is growing perfectly

The universe loves and supports me and my baby

I am preparing for the divine plan of my life to unfold

Pregnancy is natural and normal, safe and divine

My body knows how to give birth and I will let it

I feel calm and relaxed

I send love to my baby

My body is beautiful and strong.

Namaste.

On warm evenings when my boys were in preschool, we would take family walks after dinner.  The boys liked to carry toy swords and shields and wear bright capes with gold fringe, as they ran from bush to tree searching for treasure:  a sparkling white rock, an abandoned piece of rope.  Our neighbors would say, "Good evening, your royal highnesses," and the boys paused briefly to bow, knight the greeter, and introduce him to the princess they had rescued who was riding in the stroller.  Just as quickly, they returned to slash imaginary dragons and defeat villanous foes.  They are vivid, boisterous, full of ideas and wonder.  The moment quivers with life.  But creeping around the edge rolls a cold fog of fear.  How much longer will this last?  Instead of delight, my moment turned sinister.  And for no clear reason, I was scared.

In the newspaper, I noticed a cover story on a little girl called Chloe, who was diagnosed with leukemia before her second birthday.  She was waiting for a blood marrow donor who could save her life.  My own toddler sat next to me smearing her face with applesauce.  Healthy.  Vibrant.  At least I thought so.  But what if I'm wrong?

Every time I hear about another child's tragedy, I feel an icy surge of fear, a naked vulnerability, and guilty sense of relief.  Perhaps if someone else's child is hit by a car, diagnosed with cancer, or kidnapped, there is a lesser chance it will happen to mine.  My husband repeatedly points out my flawed logic, but it is the sad manufactured relief that I cling to.  This time, it wasn't my child.  

For most of us, this kind of thinking remains a merciful worry, but for thousands of parents, it's the reality they live with every day.  This week, Emily Rapp's New York Times article on her son Ronan's Tay Sachs disease reminds us that for her, and for parents of kids like Chloe, their goals for the kids are "simple and terrible:  to help our children live with minimal discomfort and maximum dignity."

Rapp shows us that parenting is not about congratulating ourselves for dodging bullets.  It is not about kids racking up a resume of accomplishments before they enter middle school or reflecting the people we wish we had become.  Parenting is about loving our kids today, equipping them to cope with their dragons, letting them go when we must, and hoping we have the privilege of working ourselves out of a job tomorrow.   

Class always started with my “Welcome! Welcome! Welcome!”  Happy smiles, chuckles and amazing energy filled the room.  Shortly after, I would ask “Show of hands. Who’s nervous?”  As the hands flew up, I’d smile and say “Good!  Then you’re normal.”  More smiles, more chuckles, and a beginning wave of relief would wash over their faces.

In five days, the Academy team would see a range of emotions from au pairs from their arrival to their departure.   Day One would always bring that mix of excitement and nerves.  

We would always offer the following tips to au pairs:

1)      Ride the wave of nervousness – Everybody feels this way, even your host family.  This is a new experience and it’s normal to bounce between nervousness and excitement.  Go with it!

2)      Call your host family – Often it’s that first contact once the au pair actually arrives to the U.S. and the Academy that au pairs are most nervous about.  Everything becomes real.  The Academy team would always encourage the call on the first day. 

3)      Stay in the moment – Get involved with the Academy class and activities.  Mingle with other au pairs, learn and enjoy the first week of the AuPairCare year. 

4)      Talk about it or write it down – I spent countless hours talking with au pairs or encouraging them to write about their feelings.  Articulating, weather verbally or in writing, always seemed to work like magic. 

5)      You’re not alone – Remember that you have a wealth support and resources to help you to have a successful year.