In my role as Area Director, I have counseled families and au pairs on all facets of their match.  Childcare styles, personality differences, education options and planning, these are just a sampling of the more popular issues and concerns I have found myself giving advice on over the years.  This is not to say that everyone has problems in their match -  far from it! - , but of those that hit roadblocks, there are certain things that commonly come up.  Working with au pairs and host families,  I have helped many work through issues like these and go on to enjoy a successful match.

Driving also falls into this category.  Over the years, I have a few times run into a shaky driver – an au pair who at the start is capable, but not confident, and certainly a bit overwhelmed by the size of our American cars!  In speaking with the host families involved, I encouraged them to give their au pair time – AuPairCare shares with host families that it can take 1-2 months for an au pair’s driving to get up to speed. 

In February, my family welcomed Mia.  She has been wonderful from the start….except in the driving department.  We spent a week or two going for drives that unfortunately did not instill confidence in us.  We had a long weekend trip planned, so we took a bit of a break, and when we returned, we started practicing again in earnest.  We also began using a GPS and maps, so that she could learn the area, and not just rely on our directions to get around.  This time, we could see she was relaxed and really making progress.  PHEW!  Over the next couple of weeks, we saw big improvement and at 6 weeks, we are very confident in her skills.

Driving can take time – many girls arrive in your home and are driving confidently in your town by Monday.  Others, like Mia, need a little time to acclimate to all the changes before they can drive confidently.  Mia has been so great with the kids, that we knew we would do whatever it took – lessons, time, anything – to keep her.  Now that she is a confident driver, we are so glad that we were patient and helped her get to the point where driving in the US has become second nature.
 

Without question, driving is one of the hottest topics potential and current host families have questions about.  Here are a few more tips to keep in mind as you and your au pair discuss driving.

License: All au pairs will arrive with an international driver's license. Whether or not your au pair will need a driver's license in your state will depend upon the laws in your state as well as the requirements of your insurance company. Be sure to do some checking to find out what your au pair will need. Some au pairs desire to take the state exam if it is not required, and some families feel better knowing their au pair holds a state license. A general rule of thumb is that the party requesting this exam will pay for any fees involved.
 
Adjusting: No matter where your au pair is from and how long she has been driving, there will be a period of adjustment. Plan on a month during which your au pair will only drive with another adult or just locally as she gets used to our roads and signs.  Learning English, new signs, new roads, and a new car can be overwhelming, so be patient!
 
In Case of Emergency: Discuss with your au pair what she should do in the unfortunate case of an accident on the road. Like many Area Directors, I've had a couple of au pairs who have been in accidents call me first (or soon after).  Au Pairs should be reminded to call 911 or the police first, followed by their host family and the insurance company.  Later, once everyone is home and safe, it is certainly important to let your Area Director know what happened and work together to resolve any issues.

The more prepared you and your au pair are, the more smoothly she will transition into a strong American driver. 
 

If you're a typical American family, you're probably hauling your kids around in a minivan. Or an SUV. Or a mini-SUV.

That's not what your au pair is driving. She's used to, at best, a four-door sedan, if not something smaller. Because that's what people drive in much of the rest of the world.

As a host mom, I really hope that my au pairs arrive knowing how to drive and drive well. After all, I'm trusting them behind the wheel with my kids in the back of my enormous minivan. But even if you've given the driving part of your interview your best effort, and even if your au pair is the most experienced driver ever in the history of au pairs, she still needs time.

Why?

Because our cars are big, and handling a big car takes practice.

Because most of us drive automatics, and most au pairs drive standard shift. I can't tell you how many of my new arrivals have tried to drive my car with two feet the first time out.

Because the street signs are in English. I've known au pairs who drove 10 miles below the speed limit, just because they had trouble reading and translating the street signs when they're also trying to listen to and understand you and your kids. Even symbolic signs such as stop, one-way, or no U-turn signs look a little different here.

Because the roads are unfamiliar. Every place your au pair goes is somewhere new. You may be equipped with the best GPS on the market, but it's still new territory.

As the host family, you get to set the rules, and that means you can customize the limits you set on driving to match your au pair's abilities. I always take my au pair for several test drives before I let her try it solo. I usually start in a parking lot, then head for local roads, and then highways. Once we've done all that, I set the rules. Is she confident enough to be safe on the highways? Would I trust her going from our rural area into the neighboring big cities? Should she really be driving at night, or with the distraction of her friends in the car?

If you're welcoming a new au pair from overseas, remember to give her the time she needs to get used to the driving. It's worth it in the end - your kids will be safer, your car will be safer, and your au pair will thank you.

My kids are all school aged. It's absolutely critical that we have an au pair who can safely and sensibly chauffeur everyone to soccer practice, the pool, and whatever other kind of crazy we've got going on. But there’s no guarantees when it comes to your au pair’s driving ability. The skills and training required to get a license vary from country to country. And the opportunity to practice, to drive every day and hone those skills, that varies from au pair to au pair.

It’s also one thing you can’t verify over a phone interview.

But you can try.

After hosting seven au pairs and interviewing countless more, I’ve learned that the best tip in interviews is to get your au pair talking. So make sure your questions are open-ended, not yes-or-no questions. You’ll learn a lot more about her (or him) – and that includes her driving.

In addition to the great questions AuPairCare provides, I add a few of my own:

• What is the make and model of the car that you drive most often? (If she can’t tell you, she's not driving much.)
• Whose car do you drive?
• Where do you usually drive? How long does it take you to get there? How much traffic do you see on the way?
• What is like to drive in your country? Do people follow the rules?
• What do you do if your cell phone rings? Or if you get an SMS or text message?

Then, take some time to think about the situations your au pair might encounter with your family and ask a few scenario-based questions.

• If traffic in your area is heavy, ask her what she would do if the cars in front of her stopped suddenly on the highway and she didn’t think she could stop in time. Would she quickly find an exit route and pull to the shoulder, or just brake very very hard and hope it’s enough?
• If you have small children, ask her what she would do if your baby dropped his pacifier on the floor behind her seat and started screaming. Would she reach behind her for the pacifier? Or would she find a good place to stop the car so she could tend to the baby?
• Do you have older kids who like to squabble in the car? Ask her what she’d do with three kids in the back seat who are arguing over who touched whom first.
• Has she learned anything from her experiences? When I was a young driver, my car was rear-ended twice in heavy traffic. The accidents weren’t my fault, but I learned from them to always leave a good following distance between me and the car in front of me. I haven’t been rear-ended since. Have your au pair candidate tell you about a similar experience that taught her to be a better driver.

And finally, make sure she knows the rules of the road in your state. Many motor vehicle departments put their road books online now. Email her the link, and your au pair can read up on how best to drive in your area before she’s even left her home.

That doesn't mean she'll be ready to go the moment she gets here - driving in the U.S., no matter how well trained and well practiced you are, is still a really big deal for most au pairs. But at least you'll have a better idea how she'll handle herself behind the wheel.